I saw the precious people holding hands (Final assignement)

Our life narrative was one of the first few things that were discussed in our class. I remember people sharing their dream of becoming something big or having their dream job after graduation. After they finished college or grad school they would marry their significant other that they had met while in college. Kids would come into the picture some time after that, the kids would grow up and have kids of their own. Mom and dad would grow old and retire, maybe even get a cabin in Colorado to spend their last days in peace and surrounded by a blanket of white snow.  So went the story… Everyone had a plan for their lives and I’m certain that they are still following it. I know I am. I still want the husband, to be a missionary, kids and much happiness in my life. This semester, every single day that I had an 8:00 class I would tell myself that I was one day closer to my goal. When I had that MWF class that made me want to pull my hair out, I would tell myself that it would soon be over. The frustration this class caused me would be nothing in comparison to what I would be enjoying one day. (NO it was NOT Soc 3354 )  What I want my life to be is what kept me going. I feel like when I’m in India doing what I dream of, it will all be worth it.                                                                                       

So what thing determined that I wanted this out of my life? Was it my choice to go to college right after high school and be here for what seems like a long time? According to sociologists and after being in this sociology class I have learned that we are socialized to follow a structure of what we think life should be or what works out the best. Let me explain. Although we say that we want to go to college, one now in days has to go to college if they weren’t born with a silver spoon in their mouth or has not inherited a large amount of money to take care of everything. One has to go to school to get a good job to later take care of the family that one is supposed to have. If one doesn’t follow the model that is set before us I feel like they are looked down upon and aren’t as successful. Let me give you some examples of what I mean when I say this. People say or believe that if someone doesn’t go to college they can’t get a high paying job. If someone doesn’t get married they’re the “40 yr old virgin.” If someone doesn’t have kids they will have no one to take care of them when they’re old and so on. The sad thing is that this is so true. One cannot survive or be as well off unless we follow the model. Yes everyone’s life looks a bit different because we will have different careers, and jobs and all of that but the idea and the structure is the same. It is argued that someone’s behavior is influenced by either their own free choices or by the social structures that they are a part of. According to Wikipedia and their definition of the structure vs. agency debate, they say that “agency” refers to the capacity of individuals to act independently and to make their own free choices. “Structure” by contrast, refers to the recurrent patterned arrangements which influence or limit the choices and opportunities available. I feel like we are for sure influenced by society and act accordingly. If I could have done my own thing after college and just get plugged in into missions right after college then I would have. My parents said college had to come first because I needed an education to have a good job for later on down the road. Why did they direct me this way and why did I also choose to do this? Well because it makes sense and it’s safe. It gives me a bigger chance of success and stability but sometimes I wonder what could have happened if I had not “chosen” this road.  

I want to marry because I will want to spend the rest of my life with that one person. Marrying out of love just sounds great overall and I believe that everyone was made to be relational. We long to be accepted and all that jazz so having someone that will be with you for the rest of your life and provide the emotional support and all things needed is such a great thing it seems like. Why wouldn’t someone want to get married if they have found that person? Marriage serves many purposes but ones that we discussed in class were that it fulfills emotional needs of both men and women and also marriage is used for procreation. I think that I’m more likely to marry a person that doesn’t have the same personality as me because then our personalities will clash. I’m the middle child but I don’t think I fit the stereotype of the middle child. I tend to relate more with the older child characteristics so I think that I will most likely marry someone who is either a middle child or the youngest. I would love for him to be the type of man that can fix anything but yet ask for outside help when he needs it and not let his pride get in the way of that. I value honesty to an exponential degree so he being an honest and humble guy would be great! I feel like as long as I marry a man that loves Jesus more than anything then I will be alright.  Oh and according to our class I will marry someone of my own ethnicity so he will most likely be Mexican, and I will probably meet him during college being that college has so many people in the same age group as me. I don’t care what he is really, to me he could be whatever color, just as long as I love him and he loves me ethnicity, race, and skin color doesn’t matter.

 I want to have three kids at the most and want my husband and me to be really involved in their lives. I feel like this will be somewhat of a challenge because I will be a missionary so our kids will most likely be raised overseas. Life will be different for them because they won’t have the same life I had like enjoying the many things the states offer. Nevertheless I have no doubt that we will be a happy family. Birthing in a different country will be interesting to say the least. From the discussion that we had in class I feel like it will be a harder thing to deal with in some other country because the process here in the states is not peachy. We heard from the mommies that they were not treated like people and that they were not informed of some of their choices, this happened in America! Who knows what goes on in other countries?

I want both my husband and I to be the disciplinarians and be equally involved with our babies. My family will be very different from the family that I came from because I will not leave my kids. Whatever I have to do to keep them with me I will do. I feel like divorce will not be an option for my marriage as long as we can work things out. When I marry I don’t even want him or me to believe that divorce is an option. I just have this feeling that all things will work out for me not because they always do or have but because that’s a promise. I strongly believe that with all my heart. I fully support my mother’s divorce because my dad didn’t want to change but I have a feeling my life will be vastly different. Love will play an integral role in my marriage and I feel like it will work out. Love is the main reason that people marry now so I feel like this is an advantage. Now that women are educated and don’t have to be dependent on their husbands to survive the love is the reason why people marry. I will have the support of my husband because there is a man out there that will not take me for granted and support my life calling. Since we will be with each other forever I feel like as long as we serve each other and love each other well then we will be happy. Then there’s the 5:1 ratio that I have been trying out lately. This has been challenging by the way. It’s so hard! According to sociologist when one negative comment is directed towards someone 5 positive comments should follow to neutralize the damage. As long as we communicate and are willing to talk to each other when things get tough we will get through it. I remember reading about things that a couple should not do if they want to last and that is to criticize, get defensive, contempt, and stop caring or stonewalling. One should not criticize because then the other will get defensive. Communicating properly and effectively with your soul mate can save a marriage. I think honoring your husband/wife and knowing how to do that well covers a lot of what makes a marriage work. If I truly apply the golden rule to my marriage, communicate with him, learn how to serve, honor, respect and love him well and he does the same,  I do believe we will be part of the precious people (elderly people) that I see holding hands.  

Oh yeah on a side note… every single time I see the precious people (an old couple) holding hands it warms my heart. That kind of love is so beautiful! Merry Christmas to all of you lovely people and God bless you all. It was such a blessing to be in this class and hear all of you guys’ opinions. I have definitely learned a lot from you all and this class.

 

 

Love Love Love

That whole turkey drop thing was wild! I did not know this was a real thing or that it even happened. I just thought people broke up whenever. So cool! Not that people break up of course but the times that people choose to do it. We are seriously some very complex and interesting individuals to say the least.  That’s my bit on that… What I also thought it was so cool that today Ashley put it out there that a successful divorce is very similar to a marriage just without the love. It is true what she said that many people don’t think about the fact that even if the parents get divorced they will still have to interact with each other if there are children involved. This is a duh statement but even with it being so I think it is not realized enough when just discussing divorce. This did not even come across any of my thoughts before she had mentioned it today in class. There was a point that I think every person on the room agreed with and that was that if parents decided to get divorced or stay together for the kids then they have to think about the environment that their kids are going to be exposed to. If things are bad at home and they can’t be fixed then it’s better to separate, but even then if you really are thinking about what’s better for your child then you must maintain a healthy stable friendship with your former spouse. If one chooses to stay married then the environment must also be a good one for that child and that family to be healthy and functional.

I also thought that one of the reasons that our group came up with when talking about why parents should separate was that if parents aren’t happy and they stay together for the sake of the kid then they are being dishonest role models for their kids. I thought this was an interesting point because it is true. If mom and dad were together and they hated each other’s guts but they only showed that when they were in private I think I would be devastated to know that they only stayed together for me and not because they really loved each other. I think I would feel a bit guilty too to know that mom and dad we’re so unhappy for X amount of years and the only reason they dealt with each other was because I was in the mix. Like I said before, I would rather have two separate happy parents then a bitter mom and dad. Together and happy is way better but that doesn’t happen all the time.

The divorce rate started rising when women became employed had more education, and more rights. That sounds bad, but they definitely had the opportunity for more choices. Since women no longer were dependent on their husbands economically, many could get out of bad marriages which I’m sure existed.  Or vice versa, men could get out of bad marriages also.  Also there was a correlation between the rise in divorce and legal things. For example when that law passed that people could divorce because of “irreconcilable differences,” it went way up! The last bit I have to say is that it makes me really happy that the reason people want to get married, and stay together is because of love. Since there are a lot of dual earner income families and women don’t have to marry for money, love is the “glue that hold it all together.”  There is no gold-digger agenda anymore, well at least in marriages. The L word is just so sweet and to know that this is the main reason people get into marriages to begin now in days is awesome! This is great and gives the rest of us hope!

the bible says…

My parents divorced when I was seven and I really don’t remember a lot from it or being upset by it because well I don’t know why but I remember enough. I remember that I missed my daddy and us being all together and going down to the river like we always did. He had made us a swing on this huge willow tree and we would have picnics there. It’s weird because I was at the age where kids usually remember things and you would think that I would remember so much more than I do. I remember my mother crying and I just felt sad for her and that was it. My life I think was too carefree to really know what was going on; I was a preoccupied with being a kid and just did kid things. I would see mom be sad and dad gone but I don’t think I really really knew that he would be gone forever. The divorce didn’t have a huge impact on me I think because I was still young and don’t remember much from it. I think that my brother who at the time was nine was most affected by it because he remembers a lot more than I do. Should my parents have gotten divorced? Could they have made things work? Would my siblings and I have been better off if we had stayed together as a family?

I could not tell you the answers to these questions. Seriously I have no idea. As I look back on it know and really think about this, I do know that the separation was probably the best thing for our family because my papi was too much of a cheater and an abuser. I think my mother did the right thing by leaving him. Sometimes it’s better to be without a father than having an abusive father. I love my dad, but I didn’t love my mom having bruises on her face. Sometimes the best thing for the kids is mom getting the heck out. I honestly think that if my mami and papi had not divorced that we would have grown up in a hostile environment. The arguing wouldn’t have stopped, the hitting would have continued and maybe it would have led to something worse.

The question of whether parents should stay together for the sake of the kids isn’t’ really a yes or no question. I think that there is no simple answer to this question and if one is considering divorce then they should think about their happiness too not just the children’s. It sounds kind of selfish but I think that living with unhappy parents would be all the worse. I would not want to come home to parents who hated each other. If I was able to see my mom AND dad both happy then I think that in turn would make me happy too. Why would anyone want to grow old and bitter just because they stayed with their partner for the kids? I can think of at least three bitter people off the top of my head because they are so unhappy with their marriages. Trust me it’s not good. With having said this, I don’t think that divorce should be the first thing that people try. I think they should consider other things like marriage counseling, talking to their pastor, therapy, ect. If someone really wants to try to make it work I think that with a little cooperation from both sides it could work. But who am I to say? I have never been married and have never contemplated divorce.                                                                                                                        

Then there are the marriages that sometimes really don’t have a solution like the extreme cases. My heart breaks for these people because I wish that everyone could be with their someone and not have to go through hurtful and hard things. Divorce whether it’s for the better always leaves hurt on at least one person and that sucks. Sometimes people want to get a divorce and they just can’t because of finances or some other reason.  I think that sometimes mothers don’t divorce because they are dependent on their husbands. This is another one of the heartbreaking scenarios. I see it all the time in the movies where a husband is abusive and the mom can’t leave because she would not be able to support the kids. They have no way out. It’s just sad all around no matter how we look at divorce because someone is always affected. I’ll stop here and leave you with this, I think that a person should try other things before divorce but divorce is not always a bad thing.

“Your brother can home later because he can’t get pregnant”

Dalton Conley says that the belief that we all start out on the same footing at home is not the case because it’s a dog eat dog world. When people are asked who is the most successful or the biggest failure out of their family, usually a sibling is mentioned. He says that the home is not a haven from this bad world because there are differences even in the home and as well as society. I found it very interesting that he talked about there even being a pigmentocracy in black families and that lighter skin siblings end up being more successful than their darker skinned siblings. He also says that he doesn’t really fully believe in the birth order how the psychologists think of it. He says that birth order matters when it comes to family size but not really personality type because the resources that are available for siblings have to be divided in between them and some get more of the pie than others. So in a larger family a middle child is less likely to be successful because they get the least amount of the resources, and by success he means the socioeconomics aspects, not necessarily happiness. Also he says that some siblings keep life-long resentments because they feel like they had a disadvantage and they use this reasoning to explain why their siblings now make more money. He said that families who are loaded will see less disparity between their kids because they will most likely have the same amount of resources. More disadvantaged families tend to pour out more resources on the kid that seems like he/she has a better chance of making it out of where they are and this can be unfair for the other siblings because they don’t get the same chance.
I loved that he talked about divorces and how the oldest female sibling assumes the role of a co-parent because that’s so me. I came from a divorced family and at first it was just my older brother, I, and my younger sister. My mother then married again and had my other brother, Juan, and then decided to scat. We moved in with my grandmother, all four of us and that was really different from what we were used to. I feel like my life was way better than the life I had with my mother because I now had a mother which was my granny and she actually acted like a mommy. My mom had my other brother, Jose, but the four of us have NEVER gotten to live with him, we know him but we really don’t know him. Don’t get me wrong, I love all my brothers and my sister so much. I don’t even label my step brothers as that. They are my full brothers but I’m forced to do this for now for the sake of the assignment and to not confuse you guys. However, I’m definitely closer to the siblings I’ve actually lived with than with Jose, the youngest, who has always just lived with mom.
After living with grandma for a few years, my older brother, my sister and I moved in with my aunt and uncle and Juan stayed with my grandmother because he was like her baby since when mother left us he was just 7 months. My grandmother practically raised him so she was too attached to let go. This is my family up to date. My youngest brother Jose lives with my mother, the second youngest, Juan, lives with my grandmother and me, my older brother Noe and sister Ana lived with my aunt who had two kids of her own (Cristina and Jonathan) and that made five of us. That took some getting used to because I always had grown up with Noe and Ana and for some time, Juan. Having to get used to two more people was weird. My brother moved out a year after college and so did Cristina and I’m still living at home until this coming semester. When I move out the only ones at home will be Jonathan and Ana.
I feel like because I was the oldest of the females and our life was unstable when we still lived with my mom, I had to assume the role of a mother and take care of my two brothers and sister from a very early age. I used to feel like I got cheated out a childhood because when my younger sister would be outside playing I would be inside cooking but now I feel like this role of a mother that I assumed has helped me be successful and want more out of my life. I feel like the way I grew up instead of the order in which I was born has determined my success. I’m the middle child either way I look at it if I include myself, my older brother and my sister with my two step brothers or if I put myself ,my brother, sister and my aunt’s two kids, or if I just count my older brother and younger sister and me.
I don’t really know if this birth order thing actually applies to my family not because I’ve had so many families that it’s just outright confusing but also because I would say that I’m definitely not the least successful and my older brother is definitely not the most successful. In fact the labels are reversed. It would make sense for my brother to be the most successful since he was born first and all that, but there weren’t a lot of resources to be handed to him to begin with. I feel like my brother could have made it and could have been successful but my brother I think didn’t do everything that was possible. He dropped out of college and now he just works. I never got help with paying for school and have gotten my school paid by getting scholarships, I knew that there was no way that my parents would be able to pay for the college that I wanted to go to so I took it upon myself to make a way to get here. I knew that if I did my part and just did really good on my academics, that God would do the rest, which he did.
My younger sister is still in high school and she’s the stereotypical younger child. She sneaks out of the house, got a phone waaaaay earlier than I did and got to date earlier too. When I started dating I couldn’t even go on dates by myself! I had to take either my sister or my younger cousin Jonathan with me on my dates who at the time was five so our dates would basically turn into babysitting! Literally you guys, no lie. I at first thought this was unfair but now it doesn’t even matter because I’m glad she gets to do stuff and doesn’t have to take Jonathan with her when she goes out. (Thank the Lord!!!) Not only did I think this was unfair but I have noticed that the males in my family get more privileges as in going out and curfew time being later because “they can’t get pregnant.” Once I told my aunt and uncle they were ignorant for saying this because though they guys can’t get pregnant, they for sure can impregnate. I got grounded for stating the truth but yea I still don’t think that this is fair. I’m Mexican and I feel like sooooo many Mexican families have this mentality. Everyone I know that’s Mexican (it might extend to other races too, I’m not just saying Mexicans) give their male sons more liberties. It sucks. I know that for a fact when Jonathan grows up he will get to date before the age we as girls were given, he will get a car, phone etc. way before we did. I can already see it. Plus he’s uncle’s only son and the miracle child they tried so hard to have, so you know how that goes. I Love my family but even just thinking about what determines what and who gets to be more successful and all that determined by the allocation of resources and how many siblings one has is just too complicated to apply to my family. I don’t know how to apply it since I haven’t had the “normal” life at home with mom and dad and two siblings. Mine is full of color and adventure! Thanks for reading and if you’re confused just ask and I’ll do my best to explain.

On having babies- panel discussion

The panel discussion over everything babies was so great last time we met! I loved hearing about some of the things that go along with birthing babies and what all that consists of. I thought it was really interesting that one of the ladies brought up a Duenna. I had not heard of this term since high school is some Shakespearean play and even then I just thought that a duenna was just someone that took care of someone, not that they were people that were a voice for mothers and that being a duenna is an actual profession! How mind blowing! I liked how Jessica/ Jennifer? ( I forgot her name) mentioned that most people in the western world have their babies in the hospital as opposed to other parts of the world where mothers give birth to their babies at home. I know that this applies to my Grandmother because she had all her children at home but I just assumed that now in days everyone just goes to the hospital. Another thing that was really interesting is how one of the ladies said that at the hospital when you’re having your baby; you’re treated with the least amount of respect because they are focusing on the baby. She said that to her that was just surprising. I kind of felt bad when she said that because you have these mothers that are in intense pain trying to push out a human and they are ignored. I think something should be done about this because yes, I do agree that the main focus must be on the baby but if more than one more woman feels like they are less than while giving birth then there is something wrong with this. Their feelings, concerns, and wants should be taken into consideration. Another thing that was an eye opener for me was that the staff does what they want without even asking you like for example feeding your baby without telling you. I busted out laughing when Jennifer was made aware of this by the other mother and her response was, “Those sneaky bastards.” Her response has a lot of truth to it because from what I concluded she probably didn’t want her baby to be given formula but wanted to feed him/her her own milk and most likely the baby was given formula at least once during the hospital stay. Overall I learned a lot, and am now able to say that I have a new understanding of what it is to go through the birthing process and dealing with the institutions that are designed to help with this process.

the dilemma

When I was taking psychology classes before I changed my major I learned that a mother’s touch can be so great in aiding the development of a baby. I remember one experiment that consisted of baby monkeys and two “mothers” made out of wire. One mother had terrycloth over the wire and the other didn’t. The monkey was placed with the two fake wire mothers to see which one he would choose and feed off of. In the first group, the terrycloth mother provided no food, but the wire mother did. In the second group, the terrycloth mother had the bottle of food and the wire mother didn’t.  In both groups it ended up choosing the one with terrycloth even when she had no food because he longed for the one that was more like a mother; the terrycloth I think was representative of warmth, or something that was more desirable over bare and cold wire. The baby monkey felt safer with his terrycloth mother and clung on to her. When the monkeys were older they were separated from their terrycloth mothers for three days. When they were put back they would not let go of their moms, they didn’t explore like as they had before. It was concluded that “the need for contact comfort was stronger than the need to explore.” This experiment taught me that a child longs for a mother and longs for them to be near to feel safe and protected. Plus we hear all the time how you should lotion your baby’s body or rub them because touch is like miraculous or something. So what does sleeping in the same bed and being near to your child do? Some argue it kills them and some say it does the opposite.                                                                                                

 The debate over whether a parent should share a bed with their infant is one that is still being debated. Some say that if a parent sleeps with their baby that this may lead to reduction of SIDS and it also help with regulating a baby’s breathing while they sleep. The risk in sleeping on the same bed with your baby is that one could smother him/her. I don’t know how to feel about this issue because my mother slept with us as babies in the same bed but since I’m a tosser and a turner I think I would rather have my future baby sleep in a crib. Like the article said in the same room but not sharing beds. I think that mothers that share beds with their babies because they want to be close to them and hold them but sometimes that can lead to death. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to have smothered your child on accident so I would rather stay on the safe side.

The working, poor, and middle class

After reading the chapter in Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life, I was surprised at how social class and money can determine how you grow up, but most importantly the effects that it has on one. The chapter was talking about how the lives of middle class children consist of organized activities orchestrated by their parents, and their parents assessing and fostering their skills, talents, and opinions. Children see themselves as equals with other adults and they are encouraged to trust and talk to adults of authority. They make the rules work in their favor and this can be an advantage because demanding that attention raises the chance of them being more fitting for some jobs or occupations. Children raised differently than this are less assertive and therefore that can be a factor that affects their readiness to tackle their success in the job force with this sense of entitlement. The kids of the middle class however have less autonomy from parents in the sense that they are always with their parents who are taking them to their various activities like piano practice, soccer practice etc. They develop a sense of entitlement because of the child rearing approach that their parents used which is that of concerted cultivation which is characterized by everything I just spoke of. Children of the working and poor class are more likely to submit to authority and be spoken to with more directives. They rarely question the demands in contrast with the middle class children who negotiate and have extended conversations over the subject.  During their free time they are more likely to “hang out” with the neighborhood children and their kin like their cousins. They are distrustful of institutions and their parents often disagree with the institutions as well. Sometimes there can be conflict between the parents and an institution like schools. This child rearing practice of “accomplishments of natural growth” results in children developing a sense of constraint. They are not maybe as assertive as other kids; feel inferior to adults because the line between child and adult had been clearly drawn while they were being raised. The one thing that I thought was interesting was that the lives of the middle class were more hectic and fast paced because they were always going from practice to practice and the free time that the children had was sandwiched between the various activities that they were involved in. The working and poor class children had a more slow family life because while their parents were working, they would play with the kids in the neighborhood and had more choice in what they did because parents weren’t present. I feel like while children of middle class status have more opportunities presented to them, the life of a working or middle class child is easy going. Being a part of either class however has its advantages and disadvantages. I can definitely see where there are inequalities in classes and I feel like a lot of that depends on the amount of money that parents make which is unfair in my opinion.

The dog days are over

I remember being a young one way back in my elementary days. I remember nap time, snack time, recess, but most of all I remember climbing the huge ladder thing to get to the top of the slide. I loved slides, the ones that were made out of metal, not plastic though. I absolutely disliked the plastic ones because they would make me all staticky. There were these two bars in the middle of the playground and my friends and I would try to balance on them. It was great! We had no worries, rarely any homework, and if we did it was learning to color inside the lines. Even the summers when we were supposed to be bored were great. We spent the dog days doing nothing but laughing, eating, sleeping, tattling on siblings, reading older siblings journals, and camping in the backyard, you know… all the awesome kid stuff. Those were the days. Then we started growing up, and before I knew it I was in Junior High spending big amounts of time in the principal’s office. Then High School came around and finding me a new family was one of the greatest but bittersweet things since I moved to a new school. I loved my little family of seven so much! We were the best of friends all through high school; we did sports, went to games and did extra currriculars all together. We would have dance parties in the locker room right after athletics, make fun of our Spanish Teacher, “Mr. Wood,” better known as Señor Madera to us, and be late to Mr. Wood’s class almost every day. We would go to Amber’s lake house, and just had days that consisted of craziness, and good fun. Those four years went by super fast, but we all managed to walk across the stage after enduring long and cold days of practice, heart breaks, break ups, so much laughter and exciting rides to see each other play… the entire high school experience. Even before graduation we knew our time together was going to be cut short because we were all going to go to different colleges. Ann-Marie wanted to become an Aggie, Amber wanted to get away and UTSA was far enough. Chelsea moved to Dallas. Adriana, Brianna, Miranda, Tina, and I decided we wanted to try community college first. Even though four of seven friends were still on the same campus, things were different. We had all started the road to Emerging adulthood. We started finding new friends in our classes and hanging out with different people. Personally I found it hard to make time for everyone so I started hanging out with some more and some less, and we all started growing apart. We all were trying to find what we wanted to do with our lives, being pressured to pick a major, get a job, and be the perfect student, friend, girlfriend, daughter, and sister.

I can agree with Arnett when he says that emerging adulthood is the “age of instability.” Emerging adulthood is the period in a life after high school and during our college years that leads up to entering “adulthood.” We go off to college, the “holding tank,” as Hannah refers to it and learn so much about ourselves. It is the period when we learn about our identity and try out different things in relationships and jobs. A period where we are mostly self-focused because we have so many decisions to make and are trying to figure out what to do with all that we have to do or if even do it at all. We feel like we are stuck in an in-between stage because we are not adults yet but we also aren’t adolescents. “It is the age of possibilities,” mainly because many have left off to college and will experience and seek out many different things that interest them.

We are living the narrative which is the idea of what we want our own personal life to be. For example my narrative in high school was to walk across the stage, go to college and graduate, marry sometime after that, have kids later on down the road and raise my family. The narrative has changed since I’ve been in college, it is now to graduate, I’m thinking about going to grad school and after that get an internship with a nonprofit organization or a church and start get plugged in to do overseas missions. I don’t know where and when the husband and kids fit into my new narrative because I’ll be traveling a lot. I do want a family though but I don’t worry about that because I believe that that will come at its perfect time. I feel like the narrative in general which is to go to college, get a good job, get married and have a family is something that is drilled into us and we are influenced by it in our society because our parents, our parent’s parents and their parent’s parents have all done it. That seems to be the ultimate goal for one’s life and even during high school we are told as early as sophomore year to start looking for colleges to go to. I guess this works for the people that want to go to college but what about the ones that don’t. I feel like a lot of the time those that don’t are looked down upon because “everyone should be going to college.” That just seems like what everyone should be doing to make it in our society, at least if you want to make it. Nowadays people need more than a high school diploma to get a good job and if there’s no further education in one’s life than just high school you can kiss a decent paying job goodbye. The narrative is like a ladder and each rung is built on the other so you have to go to college to have a good job, you have you to have a good job to take care of yourself and then marry someone and are able to support him/her and kids later on down the road. It’s hard to really do what you want to do without following the plan that our society follows. So this is me just dreaming but if I would have had the means I would not have gone to college right after high school. I would have travelled, enjoyed some time off and visited places I want to experience.

Right after high school I went to a community college which was not what I wanted to do, to save money I stayed with my Tío and Tía whom are like my parents. In the book Arnett says that emerging adults who stay at home might have a hard time with this since they want their independence and they want to do and come home as they please. I didn’t mind still having rules and curfew all that much but I think that was only because I was so used to it and I have been raised to always respect my parents, elders, etc. As I started seeing that my friends who had apartments or weren’t living at home had no one to be accountable to but themselves I started questioning why I still had to come home at 12:00 p.m. This was something that would bother me because I thought it was so unfair that everyone could do what they wanted to do but me. This was the perfect recipe for me to start being resentful and rebellious but nope; I did as I was told which doesn’t exactly mean that I wanted to do it. This should have made my relationship with them rocky but it was the exact opposite. We sat down one day and they explained that they were afraid because I was growing up and since I was the only one that had stayed home while going to college out of the other two of my siblings; they felt like they had to protect me. I tried to see their point of view and explained mine and we came to a compromise. Lately, I haven’t been home much because I’m busy with friends, school, and work and just the other day I got a remark when I came home. I think that if I lived somewhere else I wouldn’t hear parents complaining that I’m coming home late, or that I’m never home. Parents of kids that leave know that their kids are going to get home late, etc. but they don’t see it so it’s not a big deal. In my house it still is. I was over at a friend’s past 2:00 am one day and I got a call from the lovely Tío telling me to come home. If it was up to me I would have stayed later. According to Arnett emerging adults get closer to their parents during this time mostly because their parents are not bickering and getting on to them all the time because they are away. I am pretty close to my tíos but I think that after I move out in December we will even more close.

In the field of love and sex Arnett says that emerging adults will have many partners for the most part because they are trying to find that “Mr./Mrs. Right.” Some will move in with their boyfriends/ girlfriends and that can either be good or bad but according to class discussions people that don’t cohabit usually tend to not end up getting divorced. We also learned that today cohabiting is socially accepted way more than it was back then but that emotionally there are complications that come with that because there is no commitment for the most part so getting up and leaving is an option at any time. Of course there are those stories which are the exception but for the most part that is what happens. Also during emerging adulthood we find potential wives/ husbands right where we are in college because it’s like a big ol’ pool of people that are our own ages so there is a higher chance that you will meet someone in the college campus or similar places than others. When you meet someone you will most likely be with someone that is of the same race. We discussed in class that we look for that even though we say that we would want them to be funny blah blah blah… what we look for but don’t realize it until it’s pointed out is someone that is like us especially in ethnicity/race. An Asian guy in the book said that dating someone that is like you is just easier because then you don’t have to explain and tell them why you think differently or explain the different customs. Putting that aside interracial dating and marriages have come a long way from what the numbers used to be in the U.S.

On to work… According to Arnett emerging adults will have many different minimum- wage paying jobs through this time period mainly just to have money to pay for their needs. I know this is true for me because I would never like to have the jobs that I’ve had as a job that I want to do forever. The jobs we take on now are just temporary and just a part of a bigger and better plan that we have for ourselves. We all dream of that awesome fulfilling job that will make us happy whether it is being a housewife or a missionary. Whatever the job is the one we hold now is just for a little while. Some people while working at these low paying jobs discover what they want to do though. For example in the book one girl started working at a daycare I think and she found out that she really liked working with kids so she is now planning to major in something that will allow her to work with kids. Working these kinds of jobs also let us know what we absolutely don’t want to do. Parents also have influence in what kinds of jobs we want because if we see that they hate their jobs then we are less likely to pursue something similar.

And lastly religion and sources of meaning during emerging adulthood is not all that important during this time according to some. It is said that this is the time when people stop going to churches because they are on their own now and they can go if they want but parents aren’t dragging them. People start to question if what their parents believe is really what they believe. A majority believe that there is a higher power that watches over them but 1/5 are skeptical or don’t believe that. We talked in class that during this period of life there is a lack of groups or something that they can be a part of in churches because they are no longer considered youths so youth services are not the place to go to and we are not married so we can’t identify with the married people. I know this was very true for me because right after high school everyone I knew at church left for college and I was the only one left with high schoolers. I was a youth leader and I enjoyed it but I didn’t have people of my own age around so I looked around and found Antioch. I love this place because of the community I have there. I have made new friends and in fact my soon to be roommates are the girls that I met there. During this time people make a choice about what they believe and what is what they want to follow. The road to adulthood has been good and challenging at the same time for me in a lot of areas but I cannot wait to see what God has for me in the next semester and the rest of my years here and after! I know we will do great things and I wish you all the best! Thanks for reading!
below are some pics of Mr. Wood haha only the face ignore the sexy bod, my girls and my life group at Christmas on 5th!

Good news… Bad news…

So you know how Arnett said that emerging adults would meander through different stages in their lives during this time period like love and sex? Well I saw part of “the narrative” and the aspect of love displayed best at the Baylor homecoming parade! Some guy asked one of the queen nominees to marry him by pretending that the car that she was on broke down and when he went to pop up the hood, he I guess called her over and there was a sign that asked “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” She said yes and then they kissed and all that. It was sweet.

Then today the “sex” part left me shocked as I was making my way up to the library.  My cousin was telling me that one of her friends got an std from some guy. I was heartbroken for her. I couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling. Guys for the love of everything if you’re going to do it please be careful. The belief that we are invincible and that it won’t happen to us is such a lie. It can happen to anyone. I hate to sound like a mom, but just hearing this today made me feel like I just needed to say something about it.

Explore #5

The Feminine Mystique is a book that was written by Betty Friedan and it talks about how woman were dissatisfied with just being housewives. All they did was worry “about problems with their children, or how to keep their husbands happy, or improve their children’s school, or cook chicken or make slip covers.’”  At night as they laid next to their husbands they wondered, “Is this all?,” “Who am I?” One lady said that she didn’t know who she was. She was just a house wife and felt she had no personality.  She says, “All I wanted was to get married and have four children. I love the kids and Bob and my home. There’s no problem you can even put a name to. But I’m desperate. I begin to feel I have no personality. I’m a server of food and putter-on of pants and a bed maker, somebody who can be called on when you want something. But who am I?” This identity crisis was experienced by many but they were afraid to talk about it. Betty was the person that brought this problem without any name to light. She started interviewing women and listening and reporting what many had ignored, labeled as ingratitude, or simply didn’t care about. She was voicing what no one had taken the time to listen to. Women were sent to psychiatrists and were labeled as anxoius.  They were said to be ungrateful because women in other countries wished they had the life of an american house wife. The house wife thought that she wanted this also, but when she found herself feeling trapped and desperate, she changed her mind. They blamed themselves for the problem, they even went as far as to say that there was something wrong with them because every other woman was satisfied.

 The episode of mad men that we watched I think did justice to what Betty exposed about no one caring that this problem was real, that femininity was praised above all things, and that women were given material things to experience happiness . The wife in Mad Men (I forgot her name so I will re-name her Alice) Alice had something wrong with her I think because her hands would shake. She went to see many doctors but they all told her there was nothing wrong with her so she was sent to a psychiatrist believing that it was something mental. The doctor’s had the power to determine that there was something wrong with her but it was a mental health issue. Her husband asked her if she was happy and I could have sworn she wanted to say no, but she said yes instead. She did not look happy at all. In Betty Friedan’s article she says that men would offer to take wife’s for a weekend trip or something materialistic and in Mad Men, Alice’s husband takes her out to the city to eat and gives her a watch. Material things. I’m guessing that they assumed that women wanted pearls, watches and other things to be happy. No one ever really asked and if they were asked, they most likely didn’t know what to say or were afraid to say that they wanted more to life than just being a wife. The group that determined what women wanted was men as seen in Mad Men because in the husband’s advertising company they discussed this. The problem was that they didn’t know, they just assumed. women were reduced to materialism and beauty. I thought it was absolutely ridiculous how appearance was such a big deal and how women were basically brain washed to belive that this was the most important thing in the world. When Alice was talking about how her daughter’s life would have been horrible if the bruise on her face would have been a scar, I wish I could have slapped her and told her to get real. That mentality was just ridiculous but sadly, that was what women really believed. Being feminine was everything, and if you weren’t you were ostracized and pitied for being what we now call ambitious. In Friedan’s first chapter she even said that one lady changed her job a ridiculous amount of times to find a husband. As the episode of mad men finishes we see light shining on the stove hinting that betty’s happiness comes from being a house wife but ironically that is what was killing her.

I think that the broader phenomenon of this craziness was that it affected many areas like colleges, the economy, the marrying age, the birth rate and the number of female that went to college. Colleges encouraged this by having housing for couples so it was easier for couples to live together in their own place. The economy was affected because ”home sewing became a million dollar industry.”  This had an effect on the economy for sure but these women paid a prize. The marrying age went way down because getting married was every girl’s goal. Some girl’s “started going steady in the 7th grade!” This was ridiculous but the crazy thing is that it was normal! I can’t imagine a teen being serious about being so intentional to get married at such a young age. The thought even at 20 for me is so crazy! As a consequence of women wanting to attain the whole femininity/ house wife thing, the number of enrolled female college students dropped significantly. Women were not using their brains. Literally. It was unfeminine to be educated so women turned down prestigious jobs to work as secretaries and have meaningless jobs.

I think that the feminine mystique still affects women today but not as much as it did then. More and more women are going to college and doing something that they enjoy and that is fulfilling. I think that the previous generation is affected more than us because some still have the old mentality since they grew up with it.  Things are getting better for women because we have more opportunities and we have many to thank for this. Women have gone through a lot but they have come a long way from the mentalities, ideas, and problems of the past.